F O R ME by me 11—10—’95
For any potential reader, primarily for those whom I know mutually and personally and whom I love and care for specifically. Just because I know and love you. This doesn’t make you worth or entitled more than anyone else of the 6 billion humans on Earth. But since you are so close and I know you and love you at first hand — naturally you’ll be the first to read this, as parts of this you’ve already heard from me directly in pieces. And I thank you for all those explicit, hinted and wordlessly expressed remarks, objections and escapades, and your callings to order and instructions that I made them mine without quoting the source — You. Be always blessed when in close or faraway distance.
I didn’t want to put these words and ideas into writing. I’ve heard already people calling me “a myth” or “a legend”. I’m used to tell these people — don’t wonder and don’t “admire”, there is nothing admirable here. But if you happen to have that attitude, take yourself under control and start to admire yourself — you are worth it — by adopting and implementing — maybe with some adaptations or modifications — what you happen to consider as positive when it is someone else who is involved with it. You are worth to start doubting everything and create your own “alternative”. And then, maybe, looking for me to join you in a common venture: LIFE.
From now on all only in first person, because I offer this only to myself. That is what I am able and allowed to do. However, I don’t hide and masquerade: I am looking for people who are looking for me, i.e. who hold to more or less this lifestance and lifestyle or who keenly want to develop themselves into it. The reason for this is that I have justifications for the particulars and/or the principles or both and the whole that comprise this offer of “alternative” and I keenly wish to implement them. Only for myself! Nothing for anyone else in particular or anyone else at all! For myself I care. Let them care for themselves. However, it is not at all separable!...
The following are the principles and practices by which I wish to live an INTEGRAL WAY OF LIFE. ”Integral” as in English: integrity = HONESTY, KEENNESS; bound together with: INCLUSIVE; and as in French and Italian: integral = WHOLECOMPRISING or in English: WHOLESOME = good and healthy — all these INTERWOVEN LIKE LIFE CONTAINS AND OPERATES ALL ITS COMPONENTS AND INGREDIENTS — INTERWOVEN PERMANENTLY AND PERSISTENTLY EVERYWHERE AND IN ALL DIRECTIONS, IN ALL CIRCUMSTANCES AND CONDITIONS - BY THE MEANS OF SELF—COORDINATION AND CORRELATION BETWEEN THE INGREDIENTS.
And I always bear in mind: integrity is tested in times and circumstances of difficulty, problem. While I object to any kind of heroism and martyrism — I am aware of the fact that sometimes in odd circumstances some suffering might have to be involved. Just like in order to have nice flowers or fruit in the garden, the exploited soil should be recompensated with well—decayed good compost. And things take time with efforts. Also when some nutritional mistakes were done, a painful fast is the solution.
However, before and after all, the primary drive and aim is: LIFE therefore I concentrate on the particulars of LIFE not on any sort of symbolism. Therefore, if I direct myself in a coordinated and a self—disciplined manner, I suffer less or not at all. Much suffering is the result of fear and the negative imaginations that it brings about; therefore it is another important aim for me to eliminate fear from myself and from my close and distant environment.
These and the following ones are maximal statements of measures. Presently, I live up to some of them in whole and to others only partly. I’m seeking to achieve that which are essential for a good, healthy, physically, mentally, socially, civilisationally, and ecologically balanced mutually non—exploitative life as an individual alone and in community, preferably — in a commune.
I am aware of the fact that everything is easier to achieve when it is a common aim and practice of a society, small as it might be. Because a single person is a sick person. Anything that relates to soleness: privacy, the right to privacy, interference in privacy, being alone, loneliness, individualism surplus—sought of attention, elimination of attention towards others, asociality and the like — all are the same illness: lack of the love that derives from the environment and lack of the channel to pour love through it to others. However, I must start my doubting and improving process from that situation of illness. I must be inside — subjective — and outside — objective — of myself. Very hard and tiring if at all possible! It is possible, because I want it be so! I wish to achieve perfection, because without that I might sink into boredom and apathy and even into “common fascism”, i.e. acceptance by silence, or “active fascism”, doing of the wrongs of our contemporary mutually exploitative and self/earth—destructive civilization.
However, I know there is no perfection that one person may achieve; also a society is unable to make that achievement because of the much coordination that is needed! based on multi— consent; also the integral distortion (distorted reality) is so widely spread and so widely considered as THE REALITY — that small achievements should be related as big steps towards the perfect. Anyway, our highly intelligently tired mind cannot grasp perfection. However, I should bear in mind: no perfection ever will be achieved by humans! As closer humans might consider or find themselves to perfection — as farer from it they’ll be. Perfection is the Universe and that is uncomprehensible and better not think of it nor approach it.
I should advance gradually according to my real abilities but not to be self-forgiving in advance for my faults and backfalls. I wish to be forgiving towards others but only in order to encourage them to try again, not in order they feel justified. I should plan my steps and implement the planned program towards the best development achievable. When I am lucky not to be alone — I wish to plan, coordinate and operate with and alongside my partner or partners. Difficulties might be taking place rather than a planned and smooth operation. I should have enough willpower and essential abilities in order to break through and overcome difficulties. This should be a challenge for me rather than a cause for defeatism. Therefore, I wish to be the same person with the same personality everywhere and always and not break by hardships or be seduced by conveniences or nostalgies. If I feel some weakness — I analyse and explain it to myself and to the partner/s and ask for their involvement and support. If I’m with strangers, of course I don’t knock the eyes with “provocations” but I don’t necessarily hide my attitudes, but if it is a matter of danger to life; and even then not by bowing and performing anything against to my conscience.
I do accept true offers of suitable help, aid and assistance.
What I do and what I don’t should benefit both myself and the environment/society at the same time, in a mutually non—exploitative, rather symbiotic manner, because I cannot exist without them.
I don’t live for the future, I live IN future as it starts every second again and again. Therefore I’m not “preparing myself for future” but try to live up to what I want to live in. Learning something new and living something new are reciprocally supporting the same: actual and authentic change. In my new/old world there is no separation between learning and living just as there is no separation between present time and future. The best and keenest learning is by experience in general and in particular concerning to change in lifestance/lifestyle. Imaginating, creating in mind, planning and implementing — all are a matter of a learning experience. Verbal exchange of ideas included. Basically, communication is learning. Learning is not necessarily communication; it might be an obsession that results in self—encarceration.
I’m not sacrifying or conceding anything, but I am throwing away what I consider as unnecessary and/or harmful and/or exploitative.
I doubt everything I’m used to or is customary in my environment and try to find out the sources of any act/behaviour/custom/commodity or else; also check whether it is at the expense of anything/anyone else, mostly I find it is primarily against myself. I endevour by daily practice to implement at least what is written in the UN Universal Declaration of Human Rights, but more, in the moral and behavioural sense. It is not alone the technical and formal fulfilment that counts but rather the spirit and the atmosphere created by it, integrally.
I analyse everything and must find a true universal justification for my involvement or departure and for the very existence of a phenomenon; then if I find no justification, I endevour to find the way to eliminate the wrong. I must justify keenly everything— active or passive.
I love everyone and wish to be beloved by everyone — whatever these mean. I love means I need. I need to be cared for; I need to care for. I need company and I need to be needed as company. I love means I open in/outwards; I’m honest and outspoken, cooperative, caring, helpful, praising and critical; I’m acceptive, I forgive and repent.
I try to live in the relative and the absolute in a balanced manner, being aware of keeping away from schyzophrenia and lies. I live for myself and for my company at the same time in order to be, in order to compliment each other reciprocally. I wish to influence society and civilisation by exemplifying something balanced and non-exploitative, something that is worthwhile living and is fulfilling. And I interfere in issues and problems of small and big Humanity and the Environment, the proximate and the distant; to protest against the wrong, to demand, to correct, to maintain the good. However, and demand, especially in the symbolic manner — are often or even mostly, irrelevant. Action is relevant and that I can do effectively only together with others like myself.
A daily schedule
The day begins at night, indeed at the evening before (see evening). A good sleep is a goad start for a good day. The best time for going to sleep is a bit after dark falls in the section I happen to be upon Earth. Falling asleep in a good companial atmosphere is the best.
Dawn — I wake up. I greet my companion/s. I love you! I love you! I love you my companion, I love you new day, I love you the sunshine, I love you Nature! I am happy and energetic, I’m encouraged.
I might hug my companion if I didn’t hug her all the night long. I wish I did. It is so nice and encouraging, feeling safe, when I hug my companion all night long. If I still have energy from the night, and she too, we might play another love—game and love each other evermore, evenmore.
I look at the garden and find it bright and green and colorful and my companion among the flowers, hardly I can distinguish her. What a beautiful day!
In the raining/snowing seasons: I wake up, turn around, hug my companion and go back to the world of total security: hugging her and dreaming that I’m hugging her, what a perfection!
In this season hardly there is anything to do in the garden. Domestic work may wait and even the home—industry is lazy in Autumn and Winter or the Spring. Anyway, no hurry, also the bears sleep all long the snowy time. And there is still plenty of time left.
Sooner or later — the healthy body will jump up from the laying—site because so it is set.
After physical necessities, washing/showering (there should be enough space and tabs and showers and sinks, etc; if they are not
— there should be much consideration and tolerance...) Then comes preparing breakfast — all together. This is the time for night—reports: dreams, troubles, funny and pleasant moments, fitness and unfitness, problems, advices.
Food —fresh— fruit—salad with oats or sesame seed or tahini or sesame milk or nuts or almonds. Seasonal or dried fruit, soaked in advance in water. Sometimes I make surprises in advance at evening and please myself by pleasing my companion/s. I love making surprises and I love the keen and spontaneous happiness with which it is accepted. I gain many kisses and hugs and smiles and laughters It a great fun!
Eating — preferably in silence, with much smiles and looks of goodwill and satisfaction. Everyone cleans they dishes, I too. It’s not a big deal as many people uncleverly think of this. Anyway there are not many dishes because there is only one kind of food at a meal and there is no heat-cooking; indeed it should be called foodpreparing. I call it “foodreping”. Original, isn’t it? Can be fit in all languages. In Hebrew in Hungarian in Esperanto.
The work—day was planned for already in the previous evening. Last arrangements, exchanges of ideas and all, I too, go to work. All options are creative, by choice; however most emphasis is on the plants—nursery, garden and the orchard and all the works around them — like preparing the compost maintaining the tools,